BREAKING: Another Musical with All White Male Creative Team Announces 2020 Broadway Run

New York, NY – After months of speculation, yet another musical based on a late 20th century comedy film, helmed by an all-white-male creative team, has announced a 2020 Broadway run.

Early indicators place the show as a frontrunner in the Tony race despite complaints from theatregoers that the very existence of the adaptation is a failure to read the room. One Twitter user described the news as “nothing more than a sanitized patriarchal vanity run that exists only to promote corporate interests without offering anything new.” The creative team – who are all named Scott – insist that the material has completely evolved, citing the 2016 workshop as a key turning point in the musical’s history.

Although briefly billed as “the most liberal show on Broadway”, we have concluded this claim was misleading. The show’s PR firm was quick to defend the gaffe, saying, “Not every show can be super progressive. Sometimes, you have to meet folks where they are and understand that incremental changes to troubling source material can be just as impactful as a revolutionary new show – but that doesn’t mean our show ISN’T progressive. I mean, we’re very open to the idea of having a capable woman of color singing backup for the lead of our show, a white septuagenarian who has lost the Tony twice and is often described by female ensemble members as 'touchy.'”

Theatre analysts note that the musical’s popularity is due in large part to its appeal to audience members nostalgic for a simpler time. The musical is moderate both in subject matter and in its eagerness to embrace positions from both sides of the aisle. It’s therefore considered to be a “safe” choice for tourists and their families, much like the several musical adaptations from all-white-male creative teams currently running.

“In 2016, a musical written by a woman lost the Tony, so I don’t see the point in seeing a show written by a woman ever again” said Marci Toth, 37, as she stood in line for Pretty Woman tickets at the TKTS booth. Her husband, Ed added, “I mean, maybe if the right show by a woman came along we’d consider seeing it, but all the ones running right now are just really unlikable.”

Even though studies show 38% of audience members report a permanent residence near NYC, producers believe it’s more important to attract visitors from rural areas since locals will always support live theatre – they’ve no alternative and can’t afford not to.

Tourists, however, cite disenfranchisement from the theatergoing process despite there being many more shows that cater to their tastes than not. Mike Dolan, 55, interviewed during intermission at a Tootsie matinee had this to say: “I don’t know when theatre got so political. You know, they say theatre should hold a mirror to society, but when I look in the mirror I see someone who wants to laugh at a guy in a dress for three hours without having to worry about being politically correct. I mean, even Oklahoma – a show that used to be a nice story about settlers taking land from Native Americans, sexual violence, and suicide – has to be made into something controversial.”

With adaptations, the challenge for creative teams – even all-white-male creative teams – is balancing the familiarity of the original while making it palatable to a contemporary audience. Most of the time, the creative team says, the key to updating the story lies in a critical reassessment of how the source material treats its female characters.

“We’ve modernized the girlfriend and turned her into a strong, independent female lead who is a three-dimensional character. Those dimensions are strong, independent, and female. Adding nuance would dilute her strength and that’s not feminist.” Scott B. explained.

Scott K. quickly added, “Right, we’re all for empowering women. We even added insightful commentary on the plight of the modern woman and gave that dialogue to a male character because they’re more likely to be listened to.”

The all-white-male creative team hopes these changes will work to bring the community together and believes this musical will make history. Scott P. offered this insight: “The future of this business rests in recapturing that critical bloc of audience members. At the same time, we’re taking the complex issues of gender identity, race, and sexism seriously – probably more seriously than anyone in New York theatre. Definitely more seriously.”

When reached for comment, Heidi Schreck, Lin Manuel-Miranda, and Jackie Sibblies Drury all said in unison “Um, I don’t think that’s true.”